it's the emo weather again that's making me emo...

sigh for some reason i guess it's because i always seem sad that people truly don't understand what i'm feeling.. if that makes any sense.  i'm kind of depressed that i'm seen as "sensitive." I don't really think that's true though...

sigh it just hurts... my heart hurts.. my throat hurts...

i just kinda wished...one person would understand... which is kind of hard... no one is me.... but in reality i really do not take much to heart... i just have two things that really strike home....

it's easy to know what my weak points are if you look at me... and see what's going on around me....

my source of sadness is honors college and one other thing 

I guess not trying to improve my Photoshop skills... for a couple of years really makes my artwork go down... sigh....

( Read more... )

I vow to...

• be more happy
• be nicer to steve
• be LESS EMO! * (Credit to Caz-san)
• Um...make it through college with good grades

! Secret.

New layout on 6-9-9 ...11:00pm

I call it ... Melon Goodness

---

WAHHH ....today I got my bday present from the mail... that Courtney-san sent me ;A;.  I'm so happy because it's the first time that I've ever received like a present...that I absolutely... i don't know how to describe it without pissing off some of my other friends but...

it was like...the best 18th bday present...that i'll ever get...and nothing will compare to that lol

and i wonder how much postage cost....because... man now i just feel bad

but i'm happy at the same time so i'm confused

( presents here )

Okay, so I was late...but that doesn't matter!

The seeds that are sown have blossomed into loathsome sins.  My heartbeats count Heaven's punishments as I'll soon reach death's door--not a thousand penitence could ever forgive. 

If I was strong then this would've never occurred. 

I, who stares into my own reflection, can only feel the touch of cold glass and peer at the tainted wants swirling beneath the livid color of my eyes.


If you are a field of roses, then...

I am nothing but a dying blade of weed,

strewn in the dilapidated ruins of the forgotten world. 

I was coloring...and then it suddenly turned into a header, icon, animation, etc

Well, here's the original

( Pic here )

I never made something this dark before...hmm.  I like it... for some odd reason.  The music helped too...all that emo violin.  And ... yea I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now.

I'll name this header too! 

Via Dolorsa: Destrado

In commends to my new fanfic I'll be writing soon.  Entitled the same thing XD

Sometimes the line between friends and lovers becomes unclear...especially when both of you are of the same sex.  It's an indescribable pain because the answer lies neither in you nor the person of your admiration.  Is it love?  Every day you ask yourself that...yet, you don't have an answer.  Every time you talk to them, every time you accidentally bump into them, there is a feeling of dread; however, above it all, is the feeling of euphoria.  Nothing can make you more happy than seeing them, feeling them, thinking about them.  When the night falls, the first thing that comes to mind is them.  Will you dream about them tonight?  You don't want to...you deny the love that you feel.  You tell yourself it's sickening...you hate yourself.  However, once again...that sense of desire paints over logic--hate.  Dreams come and go...thus, you awake with a blur of the previous night---including your dreams.  Sometimes you remember them...you treasure them...those dreams you wish would come true. 

Oh how times fly by when you're bored.  You love that feeling: boredom.  When you're bored...memories of your "crush" flows in your mind in an innocent fashion---filled with the best moments of glee.  Yet, sometimes they are also filled with moments of where you crashed head to head with "that" person.  You hated them then...and continued hating because you knew you'll be free from that perplexing feeling of love/hate---free from "that" person.  You'll finally see them as a FRIEND...and not as a potential lover...

who might love you back...

only if you're lucky...

and was the last person on Earth.

The line becomes fuzzier...like the fog that appears after a day's heavy rain. 


---
How's that for angst, Cynthia?  I didn't want a pairing for this...I thought I was writing an outline at first though.
 

and yea... I updated one of my shiznat stories and wrote a kanji x naoto... it's all on ff.net.  NOW SANDY !! GO !! GO!! READ THIS AND BURN YOUR EYES!! and criticize some.

Well I'm also gonna stick my assemblage picture in here.  Took me 24 hours...ugh... I MADE EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR THE LOWER HALF OF THE SNOWMAN!!!

carving sucks when your'e a noob... actually i was noob for everything.

( Assemblage BLAGE!!! )

NOW FOR THE MAIN TOPIC

THIS IS THE SANDY POST!! I know two sandys so I'm talking about the younger one.  

Whoot here ya go~ my friend! 

I...suddenly thought of this...




I think I'm going to post it on fanfiction. 

Edit: okay I added in Doujima's POV

8:51 right now... was supposed to be doing scholarships

BUT I MADE A NEW P4 LAYOUT <3 YAY!!!

the color scheme was based off an image i found...O-O in the artbook....

I <3 it... i made 2 versions... and now i also made an icon but i'm no good with icons but i kinda like it anyways

( Here's the other version )

Ah....this ...dream was so weird...a nightmare like no other.  I'm...so scared right now.  It wouldn't even let me wake up until it was finished.  I woke up once...and shortly after I fell back asleep.  I couldn't get up...more like my body wasn't afraid like I was in my mind. 

At first the dream was about a journey.  The skies were clear and everything.  then...

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Okay another eventful day... no sleep.. shoveling snow for 3 hours...played p4...

and now that i'm perhaps 3/4 through the game.. actually ... maybe it was some kind of woman's intuition kind of thing... ( i had a feeling who it was 5 hours into the game or so....sigh....dammit)

In p4 there's a killer right?  Well I kinda had a feeling who it was...then...I kinda confirmed it today while looking for some fan pics... ugh...not like I was trying to.... i was just looking at fan pics...

well... it turns out that I am right... am i too smart for rpgs now?  I've been figuring out the endings to a lot of them...even the best ones...ugh...

God...Naoto is supposed to know the killer faster than me...

and p4 is sometimes so mentally slow....(for me at least...) like I know when there's something WAY odd...but it takes the game play 5 more hours to get to what i'm thinking or longer...

I'm just emo right now because I figured out who the killer is in p4.  Then..to know that I'm right T_T ... sigh....it's okay....i mean i think most people know by 9/17 in the game.... I mean it's so obvious....

just learn not to trust anyone in the game and you'll know... (to those who play p4)

sigh....

HELL YES!!!

Okay...first things first....

1. I GOT ACCEPTED IN CLARK'S HONORS COLLEGE! !! HELL YES!!! 2000 applicants each year and only 175 get accepted!!! YESH!!! OMG YESH!!!!

-coughs-....yay...

2.  OMG PERSONA 4!!! 10 minutes prior to getting the letter I WAS PLAYING PERSONA 4....AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S SO FREAKING HAWT ABOUT PERSONA 4 TODAY?! 

I SAW AND HEART NAOTO-SAMA'S VOICE... ... let me post a picture of how cool... Naoto is...

btw i got the letter on the 15th but forgot to open it lol...

but that doesn't matter...

omg naoto is so cool... i restarted the game because I spelled my main character Takuml instead of takumi ... -_-;

Yoshina Takumi is a nice name right?  ADMIT IT!  



( Pictures here )

and now it's like 3:29am ... because i was messing with photoshop for a new layout lol...

Story...Maple story.. i can't believe i'm playing this again...

number one reason?


Pirate class-Gunslinger  = opportunity to create Legretta... from tales of the abyss

god i'm such a horrible fan girl...

i'm already lvl 28... and ... it's only 3 days...

sigh....

now to get nx and dress her up -coughs blood-

my body reacts violently to ms yet i'm still playing -barfs-

Anyone else playing... on Windia? >.>;;;;;;;;;;;;

I feel sorry for myself...

One little step at a time, I'll get closer to what I believe in.
One little step at a time, I'll see what's in front of me.
One little step at a time, until everything was too late.

Because I took one little step at a time.

Because I never took a stance.
Because I never had anything to hold dear.
Because I never had something to light up my sky.

All of this for a single lie.

Because I took one little step at a time.

Because I never had something,

That could light up my sky.


-----

Okay so I've snapped a bit ... this week...or a lot....or perhaps this is regression to a past stage i used to be in.  Have you ever felt so lost in your own little world that you cease to exist as a whole?  Have you lost reason as to why you feel a certain way?

Sigh...I just keep on remembering something.... someone told me: 

"Soon Melody, you're going to lose all your friends and family."

It's not a dream.  Someone told me this...and I can't help but believe it now.

._. and sorry for not replying o_O err... omg what's your name x.x ._. little girl from aussi

Not like this doesn't happen everyday in my life, I've been having some WEIRD dreams.  I won't go into details with all of the other ones that I've had but there was like... 2 scenes that got to me.  And since I'm in a "fanfiction" mood, I want to write it in a story perspective. 

I'll omit one of the scenes which ...featured belts...It wasn't violent or dirty or anything...just very disturbing...

both of these were disturbing actually.  D; mind you I suck at writing...sentence length means nothing to me.

( Read more... )




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So yea.. i'm hooked to tales of the abyss

but besides that

i think my parents hate me and i think i should go suicide...  i always get yelled at for every little thing i do... fcking always fcking bothering me about hte most fcking lil things in my fcking life that i don't need to fcking know about.

fck fck fck o-o i don't like the U in fck so fck it i can spell fck however i want

god fcking dammit i hate them

okay so i was at the football game today...

my first one lol... tons of school spirit here... well anyways....

NONE OF MY FRIENDS WERE THERE like NEXT TO ME besides donna... like wtf i see them and they see me and they go somewhere else x.x.

well i blah go Donna! do your thang XD

oh yea so it was really cold...and it was raining. my toes were like going to fall off so into the third quarter (with our school winning) donna and i decided to ditch the game...

and we were cold so we tried to sneak into the building and succeeded...

we went ninja and avoided some teachers then we hid in the girl's bathroom while our ride came to pick us up XD. so we started grooming ourselves and looking into the mirror until we hear the door opening.  i motion for donna to hide in a stall.  we scurry and made it as the janitor came in.  as she left donna sneaked a peak and noticed the janitor's equipment in the bathroom so we made a run for the OTHER door that led outside the school.  so yea we smashed into it and escaped successfully.  it was like epic ninja until we noticed a lil head peak out of the door we went through but i don't think the janitor saw us.


BUT THAT is not the reason why i'm mad... remember fordney? ahh so at first donna and i were going to enter different doors to get into the building but it was locked. i turned around and there she was... fordney in her red hoody.... a quick glare or scoff... and then she passed me.. opened the door and didn't let us in (or the other two girls that have been standing there for centuries)

wow. WOW...

well yea so now i'm at home very cold and everything so i'm getting fat with some hot food